Drive, drive and drive again. I find that when I drive I'm actually able to focus on things more openly then if I was sitting and meditating. Not that I have ever actually tried to meditate--I'm not quite sure how that would all work out...but anyway--back to my topic at hand. I'm in a huge debate about a lot of things--school, divorce, direction, life. It is all a big mess in my mind and I can't seem to dismantle all of it. When I do one of them, something pushes at the other confusing me even more to the point where I just wish I could get out of my own head. Maybe I honestly think too much and perhaps over analyze every little thing.

Take for instance a co-worker today. He mentioned to me that he was leaving early today and I said, okay that is great, where are you going? He chimes back in a very rude voice--none of your damn business. I'm immediately turned off, guard begins to come up and in my mind I want to say to this coworker--fuck you. Of course, I shut my mouth and say nothing but give him a look of disgust and he says, I'm going to my granddaughters birthday party. Okay...so you had to act like an asshole for that?? I sat down and did not talk to him the whole rest of the day. But then I was fuming inside because I didn't speak my mind. So when does it become acceptable to speak out instead of keeping the feelings inside and blowing up at the person? I think I haven't quite gotten there yet--maybe because when I was a child any thoughts against what my parents said were immediately shut out and I was not allowed to have an opinion. Jist the pissed-off-ness when this happened today. I could have just let this blow off and said screw him...but it festered in me for awhile. I had to take a walk during my break and actually step back and understand--I need to let this go. I can't change him and by me bashing and talking back to him it does no good.

So where does this tie into my title? I think too much and therefore need to just let things be. Trust that no matter what that God will in fact figure out a plan and even though I may not know the exact one, he is there for both of them. While I wish God would tell me the answers, I know he cannot not. Either that or I just have too much crap in my head to listen....maybe I should try that meditation thing. So I drive and drive and think I have come up with a solution but am still weary to act upon that very thought. I think I'm going to ask for full custody and no child support from Omar. I still need to pray--I know this is rough and tumble but I need to. Plus, I'm going to withdrawl from school at this time. I'm not sure of how that will affect my student  loans, but I will for a short time. At least until the divorce is setup again, probably start back up in April or later if I have to. I will have to pay off my balance and that I know. I just have too much going on at this time of my life and need some little peace to take these thoughts and make them into one. Driving is something that really helps with that and hopefully within the next few days a little bit of peace will come my way.