me Smiles: what why you saying it is chilly
Stephanie: Oh that was from last weekend
Stephanie: it was really cold last Sunday
me Smiles: hmm
me Smiles: how ya holding up
Stephanie: I don't now really Laura. I'm so confused and the more people give me their imput the more I want to scream and tell them to shut up LOL
me Smiles: i sorry
me Smiles:
Stephanie: cause I was telling a friend about what is going on and I love Jessica and everything, she is very open and I know that, but like she is telling me I need to stay away from him and not get attached because I need to let him go because he doesn't want us, but the whole reason I was with him was because I wanted to be with him and when we are together things were nice and fun....and because of the way things were when we were seperated she thinks he didn't try hard enough
Stephanie: but he thinks he did, he said he did all these things and I don't know what to do
Stephanie: I feel like the way he feels after he talks to his family
Stephanie: He just wants them to shut up LOL
me Smiles: yeah it is always easier to say walk away when your not in the situation
me Smiles: but it is not always the best solution
me Smiles: if anyone knows him better it is you
me Smiles: so you have to figure out if you think he really did try
Stephanie: I feel like walking away is a cop out
me Smiles: and if he did was it up to what you think was enough on his level of trying and such
me Smiles: walking away is a cop out
me Smiles: but
me Smiles: if u feel he has tried his hardest and it is not enough it will never change
me Smiles: so you have to reflect on what you know and go from there
me Smiles: and when you married it said " for better or worse"
me Smiles: and 9 out of 10 times if you can work through the worse it will make it better later
Stephanie: I know, this is why I wish I had just one full day by myself to reflect on things...to sit and pray
Stephanie: and try to listen to God to tell me what I need to do because I am so confused
Stephanie: and we as humans have a tendancy to err in judgment
Stephanie: and only God can explain and knows the future
me Smiles: yes err is human
me Smiles: well you have to look at it
me Smiles: did he ever cheat
me Smiles: did he ever hit you
me Smiles: did he try his hardest to take care of you
Stephanie: no
Stephanie: I think for him, he did...Laura, we went through a lot
Stephanie: being homeless tore us apart
Stephanie: and then his family fed on that
me Smiles: yeah homeless is not easy either
Stephanie: and used it to their advantage to try to seperate us more
me Smiles: itis all compounded stress
Stephanie: but what scares me if his family never comes around
Stephanie: it would hurt him so much
Stephanie: and I do love him enough to not let that happen to him
me Smiles: it would be he has to make that decidion
me Smiles: it cant be yours or he will blame you forever
Stephanie: and I would leave him because I don't want to hurt me, no matter how much I love him
Stephanie: not me, him
me Smiles: he has to decide and it is crappy they would put him in that place
Stephanie: but even he has qualms about this even working
me Smiles: but who is to say you leaving would not hurt him more
Stephanie: he doesn't see how it can with his family
me Smiles: like
Stephanie: Laura, I remember how he looked on Christmas of 08
Stephanie: he was so upset that we were fighting
Stephanie: and were going through everything, he did not want the divorce
Stephanie: but I was so upset at the time
Stephanie: so hurt
Stephanie: I wanted him to hurt like I was hurting
Stephanie: and dug the hole deaper and kept fighting with him
me Smiles: yeah
me Smiles: most human try to inflict the hurt they feel on others
me Smiles: as a see how i feel jesture
Stephanie: it was not right, he thinks when I said I didn't need him anymore and wanted the divorce that I didn't love him
Stephanie: I said, no, I was hurt and upset
Stephanie: I felt abandoned
Stephanie: like I was not important anymore
Stephanie: it is funny
Stephanie: my friend can speak about him not trying hard enough...but when I look back
Stephanie: did I try hard enough?
Stephanie: he asked me once
Stephanie: why did you not come to the house to talk to me
Stephanie: I could not answer
Stephanie: pride I guess
Stephanie: scared
me Smiles: i think more scraed
me Smiles: scared
me Smiles: and the fact you didnt know what they were going to do and you had kiddos to think about
me Smiles: and i can see your view on you not trying hard enough
me Smiles: it is a road to be split
Stephanie: yes, so when my friend said that to me...I was reminded of him, cause he asked me the same thing...but both of us I think were scared
me Smiles: but see i would have told him the road was not broken why did we not meet on neutral ground and talk
me Smiles: like the park
Stephanie: cause he said he tried to call
Stephanie: I said I tried to call
me Smiles: but do you really think he tried
Stephanie: his family, the mission...both got in the way
me Smiles: and did u really try
Stephanie: at the time, I felt I did
Stephanie: but now I look back, I don't think so
Stephanie: I remember one time wanting to go to see if he was there...but after he supposedly said he was seeing three other women, I could not bear to see him with someone else...as much as some people wish he would be cheating, it would kill me Laura
Stephanie: it would rip me apart
Stephanie: and the time apart
Stephanie: I realized...I loved him more then I gave him credit
me Smiles: i know it would honey seeing your love with another is not fun by no means
me Smiles: but have you told him this
Stephanie: no
me Smiles: have you told him you dont think you tried
me Smiles: hard enough
Stephanie: cause I'm afraid he will take it the wrong way
Stephanie: thinking I don't love him
me Smiles: when you talk to him try not to be accusing and always go with i feel and i think
me Smiles: but when he is there explain it
me Smiles: go to a neutral place
me Smiles: like a park
me Smiles: where the kids can play
me Smiles: and you two can talk
Stephanie: have you ever seen my best friends wedding
Stephanie: the part were julia roberts finally tells him she really loves him
Stephanie: but it is too late
Stephanie: that is what I am so afraid of
me Smiles: yeah but honey if it is true it is never too late
Stephanie: it is too late
Stephanie: you know
Stephanie: I was not perfect by any stretch of the imagination
Stephanie: I did not make things easy for him
Stephanie: people see me the way I am now and I think they think that is the way I was with him then...but it is not
Stephanie: I saw myself turning into my mother
Stephanie: and I felt like God had to intervene and take drastic measures to knock me to my senses before things got worse
Stephanie: Oh gosh Laura, I know I screwed up...and I think he knows he screwed up too. Why can't his family let us be
me Smiles: everyone has two sides
me Smiles: they dont want to share him
me Smiles: or they are that bad that they dont want him to be happy
Stephanie: well their reason, they think I did all this stuff...and think I am a horrible person
Stephanie: and will do it all over again to him
me Smiles: whoever is the "outside" persont o the familyk is always the horrible person
me Smiles: i told you about when i married steve right
Stephanie: no
me Smiles: steve stopped calling his sisters and such
me Smiles: so him mom blamed me about it
me Smiles: it was all my fauly
me Smiles: fault
me Smiles: and i was a horrbile person because of it
Stephanie: yes this is one of their reasons
Stephanie: they felt I kept him from seeing them
me Smiles: and when i told steve about it
Stephanie: and calling them
me Smiles: because his sister actually told me one time
me Smiles: and i told her no i told him to call you guys and he said he was busy
me Smiles: so i tried to get him to call them
me Smiles: well when i finally told him about it after it ate me up inside
me Smiles: he told me no he was tired of them always being whinny
me Smiles: and also he has a life to live he cant devote three hours a night to each sister and him mom
me Smiles: he was tired of the long calls about nothing
me Smiles: but it happened to fall when i came around so it was easier for his family to blame me
me Smiles: hell i heard from his mom everyday up until we took her on the cruise
me Smiles: and i have heard from her once maybe since
me Smiles: and that was last sept
me Smiles: so to his family i took him away
me Smiles: i am the bad person
Stephanie: well you think if you two split
Stephanie: and they kept bashing you to him, he would begin to believe it?
me Smiles: i dont know
me Smiles: i dont think we will ever split
me Smiles: but
me Smiles: u never know
me Smiles: they bash me now
me Smiles: hell they call him at work because they dont want to talk to him here at home
me Smiles: since i am here
me Smiles: he has already gotten in trouble for it
Stephanie: how do you guys do holidays?
me Smiles: his mom lives in WI and his dad lives in Pa
me Smiles: and my family is close
me Smiles: we normally went to his moms for xmas
me Smiles: and the rest of the time we stay here but he calls them
me Smiles: he never sees his dad
me Smiles: he has seen and talked to his dad more since i have been here that he has his whole life
me Smiles: since his mom always bashed his dad
Stephanie: the last time I talked to him, we had been spending a lot of time together and then his family saw us together at the house...and his family threatened him again that if we were going to reconcile that he needed to tell them so they don't help him anymore. his adopted mom told him she didn't want any surprises
Stephanie: do you think they will really kick him out if we work things out
Stephanie: I just don't think a family can be that cruel
me Smiles: my opnion i would say ok then i have to choose my family who is there for me and supports me in my decisions
Stephanie: well I take that back
Stephanie: sounds like something my mom would do
me Smiles: they can and probably will
me Smiles: but
me Smiles: he has to see if he stays there they will always control him and he will be alone the rest of his life
me Smiles: if he truly loves you
me Smiles: nobody will compare and there will always be an empty spot
Stephanie: I think I'm afraid to find out that he may not love me the way I love him
Stephanie: and believe it was my fault
me Smiles: but you have to try and give it your all or you will never feel complete
me Smiles: and know you tried
me Smiles: the first step is to admit it
Stephanie: admit that he may not love me?
me Smiles: sit with him admit it and show him ur trying
me Smiles: no that it was your fault
me Smiles: even though it was both of you
me Smiles: i would say something like i know we have made mistakes in the past
me Smiles: can we overlook them and start out fresh
me Smiles: sadly it probably wont work till yoru at least two hours from his family
Stephanie: you are probably right about that, you know, I think he is so afraid to go out on his own
me Smiles: where it is invcovient for them to meddle
Stephanie: he has not left their house since we were homeless
me Smiles: he is afraid to fail
Stephanie: and I know when I first journeyed out after it....God I remember how scared I was. I did not want to
me Smiles: but you have to be there to support him and work through it togethr
Stephanie: I kept telling myself I would not make it
me Smiles: and say you kno what even if we fail and we have to get help we will still be together
me Smiles: u will make it
me Smiles: your strong
Stephanie: and I think he has convinced himself of that
me Smiles: and you have the will
me Smiles: it may not be him that is convincing himself of it
Stephanie: and I have a small feeling his family might have preyed upon that weakness with him
me Smiles: they may be tellign him he cant do it without them
Stephanie: yes, I agree with you wholeheartedly
me Smiles: it is control
me Smiles: they dont want to lose it
Stephanie: no they don't
me Smiles: and until he gains the control of his life drom them it will be like this
Stephanie: and they felt like when I was with him, that they no longer had it
me Smiles: yep
me Smiles: so you were a threat and they could not make him do what they wanted for nothing
me Smiles: did he still work for them for nothing or was he asking for money now to help the family
Stephanie: they pay him for his work
Stephanie: and then make him save it
Stephanie: which is not bad
Stephanie: but I have this feeling he has more saved up then he is telling me
me Smiles: no but he should be ab le to do it on his own
me Smiles: probably
me Smiles: but he also may not be able to get his hands on it
Stephanie: that is what he told me
Stephanie: that his adopted mom has a hold of it
me Smiles: if they are making him do it then they probably have their name on it and they are holdin it over his head
Stephanie: and he is not allowed to touch it
me Smiles: like if you leave you dont get this
me Smiles: and he feels he has to stay in order to try to get it back
me Smiles: since he worked for it
Stephanie: wow you think they would do that
me Smiles: which is what they are banking on
me Smiles: and yesi think they would
Stephanie: well Gosh I wouldn't want to leave too. He worked hard for that money
Stephanie: I saw him, gosh I hope not
me Smiles: i feel they would and i feel it is the last straw effort for them to keep him under their control
me Smiles: sadly
me Smiles: if he wants to break it even with how much he has
me Smiles: he will have to leave it behind
me Smiles: unless he can go after them and prove it is his
Stephanie: gosh I don't even know if I can do that
me Smiles: what walk away from it
me Smiles: or go after thhem
Stephanie: walk away from it
Stephanie: i would try to find a way to keep it and then leave and then tell them LOL
me Smiles: yeah but if his name is not on it
me Smiles: and from the comments about "we wont support you anymore" makes it sound to me it isnt
me Smiles: and they feel even thought he has worked for the money it can become theirs instantly again
Stephanie: possibly
Stephanie: man i was not hungry but now I am
Stephanie: I think you helped me a lot better then most
Stephanie: cause I have been barely able to eat and sleep the last three days
me Smiles: lol
me Smiles: well stress will do it
me Smiles: i told you if you ever need to call i am up almost all the time
me Smiles: i slept 6 hours today
me Smiles: what a record
me Smiles:
Stephanie: LOL
Stephanie: I should of called
Stephanie: I think if his family was not in the way
Stephanie: this would be such an easy decision
me Smiles: life will never be easy
me Smiles: you just have to play the cards your delt the best you can
Stephanie: hold on just a sec
me Smiles: k
Stephanie: I knew I had bought some applesauce
Stephanie: I finally found it
me Smiles: lol
me Smiles: i was beginning to wonder
me Smiles:
Stephanie: would be better if they were refrigerated lol
Stephanie: I love COLD applesauce
me Smiles: lol
me Smiles: freezer for about 10 min. does the trick
Stephanie: lol
Stephanie: knowing me
Stephanie: I would forget it was there
Stephanie: and then it would be frozen
Stephanie: lol
me Smiles: yep
me Smiles: which is what i normally do
Stephanie: lol
me Smiles: 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Stephanie: lol
me Smiles: 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
me Smiles: 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
me Smiles: 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Stephanie: lol
me Smiles: 10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
me Smiles: 13. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
14. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
15. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
me Smiles: 16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
Stephanie: LOL
me Smiles: 19. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
21. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
me Smiles: 22. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
23. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
24. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
25. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
me Smiles: 26. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
27. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
28. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
Stephanie: lol
me Smiles: ok now ur smiling
me Smiles:
Stephanie: oh yeah that was great!
Stephanie: I was laughing
Stephanie: I am gonna post that on my facebook hehe
me Smiles: i just did
me Smiles: if you want to you can go tomy page open it up and hit share
Stephanie: oh I copy and pasted
me Smiles: lol
me Smiles: it all works
me Smiles:
me Smiles: but honey you cant get yourself down
me Smiles: if you do
me Smiles: it will effct your judgement
Stephanie: I just wish someone would come down and tell me what to do
me Smiles: it cant be that easy
me Smiles: or you wouldnt learn
me Smiles:
Stephanie: I think that is why Omar likes to side with his family, cause it is easier....
me Smiles: yeah ppl do tend to do that
me Smiles: hmm nice name first time you have told me
me Smiles:
Stephanie: really?
me Smiles: yeah
me Smiles: he was always" hubby or husband
Stephanie: wow
me Smiles: which shows me how much you care for him to give him that title
Stephanie: I know if I close everything and work through this with him
me Smiles: when you start to use his name your distancing yourself
Stephanie: it will not be easy
me Smiles: ur putting up walls to not be hurt
Stephanie: I've just always referred to him as my husband...it honestly feels weird not to
Stephanie: you know in my divorce papers
Stephanie: I put to revert my maiden name back
Stephanie: but I don't want to
Stephanie: 13. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever. I like this one because I was like...either that or I will just throw it in anyway LOL
me Smiles: then dont revert your name back it is totally your choice
me Smiles: pending you go through with it
me Smiles: yep 13 has a lot of truth
Stephanie: you know what made me realize I loved him so much
Stephanie: well one of the things
Stephanie: there were a couple
Stephanie: our youngest daughter, Bella
Stephanie: she looks so much like him
me Smiles: yeah
Stephanie: when I look at her
Stephanie: I think of him
Stephanie: and I think with my mom
Stephanie: she really loved my dad
Stephanie: and when she looked at me
Stephanie: she saw my dad
Stephanie: and her hurt, turned to anger, which in turn got taken out on me
me Smiles: yeah it is a cycl most fall into
me Smiles: cycle
Stephanie: how long have you been married
me Smiles: since 07
Stephanie: has it been easy, okay, really hard..
me Smiles: it is never easy
me Smiles: we have had our fights and it normally involved his family or mine
me Smiles: but most of the time it was over piddly crap
Stephanie: why do you think marriages really fail? besides adultery and stuff like that
me Smiles: becuase money is a lot
me Smiles: and if you marry when your older ur already set in your ways and want the best of both worlds
me Smiles: a lot of ppl nowadays cant compromise
me Smiles: so it tendds to caught many many fights
me Smiles: also divorce is easier and not frowned upon anymore so ppl take the easy way out and give up
me Smiles: some cases i agree but most are just becaue of ppl being selfish
Stephanie: I think my attempt at filing a divorce was because I felt he didn't love me anymore from what his adopted mom had told me
me Smiles: but see you cant believe her you have to ask him and then have trust in him to tell you the truth
Stephanie: he said he did tell her that
me Smiles: but was it in anger
Stephanie: that is what I said
Stephanie: at first he told me no
Stephanie: he did not love me anymore
Stephanie: that he had put me out of his heart when I said I did not need him anymore
me Smiles: see so i think if you told him you were wrong and you did and still do need him
me Smiles: i think it would help
me Smiles: but dont say it unless it is true
Stephanie: I do need him, I feel complete when I am with him
Stephanie: like life is as it should be
Stephanie: and when we are apart
Stephanie: there is something missing inside of me
me Smiles: that is how i am with steve
Stephanie: it is so hard for me to believe him that he doesn't love him cause he does these little things Laura
me Smiles: which is why i think i sleep when he is gone
Stephanie: I asked him one day to borrow the truck
Stephanie: so I could move the stuff out of the room
Stephanie: he changed the radio station to my favorite station before I got in
me Smiles: aww
Stephanie: one day he was running late, told me he wanted to grab something to drink
me Smiles: see it is the little things in life
Stephanie: I know he likes Coke
Stephanie: he bought two sodas
Stephanie: sprite for the girls
Stephanie: and Dr. Pepper
me Smiles: so that should matter
Stephanie: my favorite
me Smiles: i dont think he has given up on you
me Smiles: he may front it due to family
Stephanie: The other day when I was crying
Stephanie: he wiped away my tears
Stephanie: and told me he was sorry for how he said something that upset me
Stephanie: the way he kisses me
Stephanie: I just feel like I am at peace with him
me Smiles: but there w a prim chance to say iknow your sorry you upset me but i would rather know then not know
me Smiles: and then he would know he can come to you more with stuff
me Smiles: and helps him open up more
Stephanie: well here is what happened
me Smiles: right now i bet anything he feels lost and alone like you do
Stephanie: we were in the car
Stephanie: and he was upset...I understand that because of something his uncle had said previously
Stephanie: and I said I really miss him and wish we could be together now...and said don't you sometimes feel the same way
Stephanie: and he goes no
Stephanie: and I looked at him and said...huh
Stephanie: he goes, no I don't want to be with you right now
Stephanie: well I turned to the side, started crying
Stephanie: and said, then what the hell are you doing here then?
me Smiles: but did he say why he didnt
Stephanie: I said, it is one thing if you said, I would love to be with you, but we just can't right now because of the situation, but when you tell me NO, it makes me feel like you don't want me and you never did.
Stephanie: and if that is the case, then quit dragging me along and let me go
Stephanie: that is when he said, no I want to be with you, it is just I'm really upset right now and that is not what I meant to say. We can't right now, you see how my family is being
Stephanie: he said he was sorry, and to blame it on Richard...his dad which I laughed, and then he rubbed my shoulder and wiped the tears away.
me Smiles: so see he is being beating up per say on both side
me Smiles: you want him to say he will be with you and wants to be with you and his family is wanting the oppisite
me Smiles: so he feels like he is being riped intwo
Stephanie: yes
me Smiles: and is he a people pleaser?
Stephanie: in some ways yes
Stephanie: in some ways no, he is nice to a point
me Smiles: which will make it even harder
Stephanie: once you get him to that point, he finally steps up
me Smiles: he doesnt want ot bite the hand that feeds him for fear of notbeing able to go back
Stephanie: YES
Stephanie: that is exactly it!
me Smiles: but the hand that currently feeds him if strangling him
me Smiles: so the best help you can give right now is to put emotions aside when with him
me Smiles: and just let him vent
me Smiles: and when he says something to you
me Smiles: you have to put out both sides and allow him to choose
me Smiles: or at least think onit
Stephanie: what do you mean
me Smiles: because then your not being like his family and pushing him one way or the other
me Smiles: despite what ever fiber in your being is telling you to say
me Smiles: stay calm
me Smiles: and be like ok
me Smiles: well if they said this do you think they mean this or this
me Smiles: and then he has a choice instead of feeling like everyone is deciding for him
me Smiles: and it will help build his confidence
me Smiles: which right now has been run over and backed up on a lot
me Smiles: it sounds like
me Smiles: do u know what i mean
Stephanie: gosh that will be hard
me Smiles: it is very hard
me Smiles: but it will help him to feel like you support him instead of telling him what you want him to do
me Smiles:
Stephanie: how can I help boost his self esteem to make him realize he can make it on his own
me Smiles: and he needs to know that no matter what he decides you will try to back him every step of the way
me Smiles: it will come with time in knowing your there through thick and thin
me Smiles: he will get to the point he will not have to rely on his family for life
Stephanie: I hope so
Stephanie: how long do you think this will take?
me Smiles: if he has been beat down his whole life
me Smiles: itr will take awhile
me Smiles: a couple of months easy
Stephanie: do you think it is worth it?
me Smiles: that is not a ? i can answer
me Smiles: that is one you have to ponder and see what your heart of hearts tells you
me Smiles: because you know his family will always be around the corner
me Smiles: so is it something you want to deal with
Stephanie: if you really loved some one, would you
me Smiles: or the mean way t put it " is he worth it"
me Smiles: me personally i would do everything in my power if i loved them to try and make it work
me Smiles: look at me and david
me Smiles: i loved him
me Smiles: but i could not help him anymore after he hit me
me Smiles: no matter how much i love someone i will never be able to stay in an abusive sit again
me Smiles: i would go to the ends of the earth for steve
me Smiles: and i have on some issues
me Smiles: you have to look at he arguements and just think will there be any benefit to argue about this
me Smiles: if not then just let it give and give
Stephanie: The only way I would get through this is with God
Stephanie: cause this is definitely going to take some patience
me Smiles: u may not feel it is right but is it being right more worth the arguement and flustration the arguement will give
me Smiles: it is
me Smiles: and it will be very trying
me Smiles: u have only begun your journey
Stephanie: can I ask you something
Stephanie: when we first started out
me Smiles: i will try to answer to the best of my ablities
Stephanie: he was very open to counseling
Stephanie: I guess they brought it up
Stephanie: said if we go to counseling together
Stephanie: they will also kick us out
Stephanie: or him I should say
Stephanie: so now he is against it
Stephanie: but I really want us to go to counseling
Stephanie: do you think this will ever change
me Smiles: well you can approach him and say you know i believe we can make this work i believe the spark is not gone but i also believe we need help to rediscover ourselves.... counseling will help that but it has to be that we both agree
me Smiles: and i know it will not make things easy for you and i know they have said they will kick you out but if you decide to do this you know i am there for you
me Smiles: i will help you as much as i can
me Smiles: we can make it i have faith we can
me Smiles: ( are you in a place he could come live if need be??)
Stephanie: yes
me Smiles: if so then offer that to him as well
me Smiles: u know
Stephanie: it is a room
Stephanie: but it is something
me Smiles: so what
me Smiles: it is a place where he is wanted and needed instead of being controled
Stephanie: I think it is too soon for it to ask again
Stephanie: he feels like I am pressuring him
Stephanie: but see this is one of the biggest things that is keeping me from cancelling the divorce
me Smiles: well if you approach it again try that route and then tell him i know it is too soon to try that again but i want you to know that is another option for you
me Smiles: beause then you have planted the seed of choice again
Stephanie: hmm
Stephanie: for the first time in weeks, I have felt at peace about this
me Smiles: hugglez
Stephanie: how do I keep feeling this way without going back and forth?
me Smiles: u cant
me Smiles: it wont happen
me Smiles: every time you see him emotions are going to well up
me Smiles: and it will cloud your thoughts and judgements
me Smiles: which is why your not at peace
me Smiles: u know what you want and you know the what seems to be the easy answer to get it
me Smiles: but he is not to that point and it flustrates you
Stephanie: very
Stephanie: cause all I want to do is be with him
me Smiles: but this is where you have to be a saint and have faith
me Smiles: and help him not push him
me Smiles: a lesson learned is not a lesson unless it has really been learned by the one who needs it
Stephanie: which believe it or not, but that is a lesson I need to learn...help him and not push him
me Smiles: yes and it is not easy
me Smiles: your head strong
me Smiles: and if your like you used to be your very goal orentiated
Stephanie: yes, I have not changed on that LOL
me Smiles:
me Smiles: that is good
me Smiles: but a relationship is a two way street both cars have to give to meet halfway
me Smiles: you dont have enought gas for one to go the whole distance
Stephanie: no I don't and I sure try to though LOL
me Smiles: yeppers
me Smiles: arent you tired
me Smiles: ??
me Smiles: your normally sleeping by now
me Smiles: right?
me Smiles: shoudl be 2:30 there
Stephanie: yes, but believe it or not, the last two nights I have barely slept because of this
me Smiles: u shoudl have called me
me Smiles:
Stephanie: I toss and turn and maybe get an hour or two fo sleep
Stephanie: one because the court date is so close
Stephanie: and two, I am very tired now....I am just afraid to be tired and then not be able to sleep
me Smiles: well try to get some sleep since you got your applesauce in ya
me Smiles: and if you have to call me in the morning
me Smiles: i should be up in about 3 hours
me Smiles: i am here if you ever need a sounding wall
me Smiles:
me Smiles:
Stephanie: lol, yes me applesauce...YUMMY LOL
Stephanie: alrighty
me Smiles: i am just glad you are eating
Stephanie: I guess I'll hit the hay and see what happens
me Smiles: anytime you need to send me a message on yahoo
me Smiles: i am normally always on
Stephanie: yeah me too, I was shocked when my stomach started growling...stress lays heavy on me.
Stephanie: Thank you so much Laura
me Smiles: yes it will
me Smiles: your welcome
Stephanie: I really mean it
me Smiles: hugglz
me Smiles: and g'nite
Stephanie: night night.
me Smiles: should be u
Stephanie: LOL
Stephanie: sleep tight
I feel better...I know what I have to do, but I need that day of prayer.
Stephanie: Oh that was from last weekend
Stephanie: it was really cold last Sunday
me Smiles: hmm
me Smiles: how ya holding up
Stephanie: I don't now really Laura. I'm so confused and the more people give me their imput the more I want to scream and tell them to shut up LOL
me Smiles: i sorry
me Smiles:
Stephanie: cause I was telling a friend about what is going on and I love Jessica and everything, she is very open and I know that, but like she is telling me I need to stay away from him and not get attached because I need to let him go because he doesn't want us, but the whole reason I was with him was because I wanted to be with him and when we are together things were nice and fun....and because of the way things were when we were seperated she thinks he didn't try hard enough
Stephanie: but he thinks he did, he said he did all these things and I don't know what to do
Stephanie: I feel like the way he feels after he talks to his family
Stephanie: He just wants them to shut up LOL
me Smiles: yeah it is always easier to say walk away when your not in the situation
me Smiles: but it is not always the best solution
me Smiles: if anyone knows him better it is you
me Smiles: so you have to figure out if you think he really did try
Stephanie: I feel like walking away is a cop out
me Smiles: and if he did was it up to what you think was enough on his level of trying and such
me Smiles: walking away is a cop out
me Smiles: but
me Smiles: if u feel he has tried his hardest and it is not enough it will never change
me Smiles: so you have to reflect on what you know and go from there
me Smiles: and when you married it said " for better or worse"
me Smiles: and 9 out of 10 times if you can work through the worse it will make it better later
Stephanie: I know, this is why I wish I had just one full day by myself to reflect on things...to sit and pray
Stephanie: and try to listen to God to tell me what I need to do because I am so confused
Stephanie: and we as humans have a tendancy to err in judgment
Stephanie: and only God can explain and knows the future
me Smiles: yes err is human
me Smiles: well you have to look at it
me Smiles: did he ever cheat
me Smiles: did he ever hit you
me Smiles: did he try his hardest to take care of you
Stephanie: no
Stephanie: I think for him, he did...Laura, we went through a lot
Stephanie: being homeless tore us apart
Stephanie: and then his family fed on that
me Smiles: yeah homeless is not easy either
Stephanie: and used it to their advantage to try to seperate us more
me Smiles: itis all compounded stress
Stephanie: but what scares me if his family never comes around
Stephanie: it would hurt him so much
Stephanie: and I do love him enough to not let that happen to him
me Smiles: it would be he has to make that decidion
me Smiles: it cant be yours or he will blame you forever
Stephanie: and I would leave him because I don't want to hurt me, no matter how much I love him
Stephanie: not me, him
me Smiles: he has to decide and it is crappy they would put him in that place
Stephanie: but even he has qualms about this even working
me Smiles: but who is to say you leaving would not hurt him more
Stephanie: he doesn't see how it can with his family
me Smiles: like
Stephanie: Laura, I remember how he looked on Christmas of 08
Stephanie: he was so upset that we were fighting
Stephanie: and were going through everything, he did not want the divorce
Stephanie: but I was so upset at the time
Stephanie: so hurt
Stephanie: I wanted him to hurt like I was hurting
Stephanie: and dug the hole deaper and kept fighting with him
me Smiles: yeah
me Smiles: most human try to inflict the hurt they feel on others
me Smiles: as a see how i feel jesture
Stephanie: it was not right, he thinks when I said I didn't need him anymore and wanted the divorce that I didn't love him
Stephanie: I said, no, I was hurt and upset
Stephanie: I felt abandoned
Stephanie: like I was not important anymore
Stephanie: it is funny
Stephanie: my friend can speak about him not trying hard enough...but when I look back
Stephanie: did I try hard enough?
Stephanie: he asked me once
Stephanie: why did you not come to the house to talk to me
Stephanie: I could not answer
Stephanie: pride I guess
Stephanie: scared
me Smiles: i think more scraed
me Smiles: scared
me Smiles: and the fact you didnt know what they were going to do and you had kiddos to think about
me Smiles: and i can see your view on you not trying hard enough
me Smiles: it is a road to be split
Stephanie: yes, so when my friend said that to me...I was reminded of him, cause he asked me the same thing...but both of us I think were scared
me Smiles: but see i would have told him the road was not broken why did we not meet on neutral ground and talk
me Smiles: like the park
Stephanie: cause he said he tried to call
Stephanie: I said I tried to call
me Smiles: but do you really think he tried
Stephanie: his family, the mission...both got in the way
me Smiles: and did u really try
Stephanie: at the time, I felt I did
Stephanie: but now I look back, I don't think so
Stephanie: I remember one time wanting to go to see if he was there...but after he supposedly said he was seeing three other women, I could not bear to see him with someone else...as much as some people wish he would be cheating, it would kill me Laura
Stephanie: it would rip me apart
Stephanie: and the time apart
Stephanie: I realized...I loved him more then I gave him credit
me Smiles: i know it would honey seeing your love with another is not fun by no means
me Smiles: but have you told him this
Stephanie: no
me Smiles: have you told him you dont think you tried
me Smiles: hard enough
Stephanie: cause I'm afraid he will take it the wrong way
Stephanie: thinking I don't love him
me Smiles: when you talk to him try not to be accusing and always go with i feel and i think
me Smiles: but when he is there explain it
me Smiles: go to a neutral place
me Smiles: like a park
me Smiles: where the kids can play
me Smiles: and you two can talk
Stephanie: have you ever seen my best friends wedding
Stephanie: the part were julia roberts finally tells him she really loves him
Stephanie: but it is too late
Stephanie: that is what I am so afraid of
me Smiles: yeah but honey if it is true it is never too late
Stephanie: it is too late
Stephanie: you know
Stephanie: I was not perfect by any stretch of the imagination
Stephanie: I did not make things easy for him
Stephanie: people see me the way I am now and I think they think that is the way I was with him then...but it is not
Stephanie: I saw myself turning into my mother
Stephanie: and I felt like God had to intervene and take drastic measures to knock me to my senses before things got worse
Stephanie: Oh gosh Laura, I know I screwed up...and I think he knows he screwed up too. Why can't his family let us be
me Smiles: everyone has two sides
me Smiles: they dont want to share him
me Smiles: or they are that bad that they dont want him to be happy
Stephanie: well their reason, they think I did all this stuff...and think I am a horrible person
Stephanie: and will do it all over again to him
me Smiles: whoever is the "outside" persont o the familyk is always the horrible person
me Smiles: i told you about when i married steve right
Stephanie: no
me Smiles: steve stopped calling his sisters and such
me Smiles: so him mom blamed me about it
me Smiles: it was all my fauly
me Smiles: fault
me Smiles: and i was a horrbile person because of it
Stephanie: yes this is one of their reasons
Stephanie: they felt I kept him from seeing them
me Smiles: and when i told steve about it
Stephanie: and calling them
me Smiles: because his sister actually told me one time
me Smiles: and i told her no i told him to call you guys and he said he was busy
me Smiles: so i tried to get him to call them
me Smiles: well when i finally told him about it after it ate me up inside
me Smiles: he told me no he was tired of them always being whinny
me Smiles: and also he has a life to live he cant devote three hours a night to each sister and him mom
me Smiles: he was tired of the long calls about nothing
me Smiles: but it happened to fall when i came around so it was easier for his family to blame me
me Smiles: hell i heard from his mom everyday up until we took her on the cruise
me Smiles: and i have heard from her once maybe since
me Smiles: and that was last sept
me Smiles: so to his family i took him away
me Smiles: i am the bad person
Stephanie: well you think if you two split
Stephanie: and they kept bashing you to him, he would begin to believe it?
me Smiles: i dont know
me Smiles: i dont think we will ever split
me Smiles: but
me Smiles: u never know
me Smiles: they bash me now
me Smiles: hell they call him at work because they dont want to talk to him here at home
me Smiles: since i am here
me Smiles: he has already gotten in trouble for it
Stephanie: how do you guys do holidays?
me Smiles: his mom lives in WI and his dad lives in Pa
me Smiles: and my family is close
me Smiles: we normally went to his moms for xmas
me Smiles: and the rest of the time we stay here but he calls them
me Smiles: he never sees his dad
me Smiles: he has seen and talked to his dad more since i have been here that he has his whole life
me Smiles: since his mom always bashed his dad
Stephanie: the last time I talked to him, we had been spending a lot of time together and then his family saw us together at the house...and his family threatened him again that if we were going to reconcile that he needed to tell them so they don't help him anymore. his adopted mom told him she didn't want any surprises
Stephanie: do you think they will really kick him out if we work things out
Stephanie: I just don't think a family can be that cruel
me Smiles: my opnion i would say ok then i have to choose my family who is there for me and supports me in my decisions
Stephanie: well I take that back
Stephanie: sounds like something my mom would do
me Smiles: they can and probably will
me Smiles: but
me Smiles: he has to see if he stays there they will always control him and he will be alone the rest of his life
me Smiles: if he truly loves you
me Smiles: nobody will compare and there will always be an empty spot
Stephanie: I think I'm afraid to find out that he may not love me the way I love him
Stephanie: and believe it was my fault
me Smiles: but you have to try and give it your all or you will never feel complete
me Smiles: and know you tried
me Smiles: the first step is to admit it
Stephanie: admit that he may not love me?
me Smiles: sit with him admit it and show him ur trying
me Smiles: no that it was your fault
me Smiles: even though it was both of you
me Smiles: i would say something like i know we have made mistakes in the past
me Smiles: can we overlook them and start out fresh
me Smiles: sadly it probably wont work till yoru at least two hours from his family
Stephanie: you are probably right about that, you know, I think he is so afraid to go out on his own
me Smiles: where it is invcovient for them to meddle
Stephanie: he has not left their house since we were homeless
me Smiles: he is afraid to fail
Stephanie: and I know when I first journeyed out after it....God I remember how scared I was. I did not want to
me Smiles: but you have to be there to support him and work through it togethr
Stephanie: I kept telling myself I would not make it
me Smiles: and say you kno what even if we fail and we have to get help we will still be together
me Smiles: u will make it
me Smiles: your strong
Stephanie: and I think he has convinced himself of that
me Smiles: and you have the will
me Smiles: it may not be him that is convincing himself of it
Stephanie: and I have a small feeling his family might have preyed upon that weakness with him
me Smiles: they may be tellign him he cant do it without them
Stephanie: yes, I agree with you wholeheartedly
me Smiles: it is control
me Smiles: they dont want to lose it
Stephanie: no they don't
me Smiles: and until he gains the control of his life drom them it will be like this
Stephanie: and they felt like when I was with him, that they no longer had it
me Smiles: yep
me Smiles: so you were a threat and they could not make him do what they wanted for nothing
me Smiles: did he still work for them for nothing or was he asking for money now to help the family
Stephanie: they pay him for his work
Stephanie: and then make him save it
Stephanie: which is not bad
Stephanie: but I have this feeling he has more saved up then he is telling me
me Smiles: no but he should be ab le to do it on his own
me Smiles: probably
me Smiles: but he also may not be able to get his hands on it
Stephanie: that is what he told me
Stephanie: that his adopted mom has a hold of it
me Smiles: if they are making him do it then they probably have their name on it and they are holdin it over his head
Stephanie: and he is not allowed to touch it
me Smiles: like if you leave you dont get this
me Smiles: and he feels he has to stay in order to try to get it back
me Smiles: since he worked for it
Stephanie: wow you think they would do that
me Smiles: which is what they are banking on
me Smiles: and yesi think they would
Stephanie: well Gosh I wouldn't want to leave too. He worked hard for that money
Stephanie: I saw him, gosh I hope not
me Smiles: i feel they would and i feel it is the last straw effort for them to keep him under their control
me Smiles: sadly
me Smiles: if he wants to break it even with how much he has
me Smiles: he will have to leave it behind
me Smiles: unless he can go after them and prove it is his
Stephanie: gosh I don't even know if I can do that
me Smiles: what walk away from it
me Smiles: or go after thhem
Stephanie: walk away from it
Stephanie: i would try to find a way to keep it and then leave and then tell them LOL
me Smiles: yeah but if his name is not on it
me Smiles: and from the comments about "we wont support you anymore" makes it sound to me it isnt
me Smiles: and they feel even thought he has worked for the money it can become theirs instantly again
Stephanie: possibly
Stephanie: man i was not hungry but now I am
Stephanie: I think you helped me a lot better then most
Stephanie: cause I have been barely able to eat and sleep the last three days
me Smiles: lol
me Smiles: well stress will do it
me Smiles: i told you if you ever need to call i am up almost all the time
me Smiles: i slept 6 hours today
me Smiles: what a record
me Smiles:
Stephanie: LOL
Stephanie: I should of called
Stephanie: I think if his family was not in the way
Stephanie: this would be such an easy decision
me Smiles: life will never be easy
me Smiles: you just have to play the cards your delt the best you can
Stephanie: hold on just a sec
me Smiles: k
Stephanie: I knew I had bought some applesauce
Stephanie: I finally found it
me Smiles: lol
me Smiles: i was beginning to wonder
me Smiles:
Stephanie: would be better if they were refrigerated lol
Stephanie: I love COLD applesauce
me Smiles: lol
me Smiles: freezer for about 10 min. does the trick
Stephanie: lol
Stephanie: knowing me
Stephanie: I would forget it was there
Stephanie: and then it would be frozen
Stephanie: lol
me Smiles: yep
me Smiles: which is what i normally do
Stephanie: lol
me Smiles: 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Stephanie: lol
me Smiles: 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
me Smiles: 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
me Smiles: 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Stephanie: lol
me Smiles: 10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
me Smiles: 13. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
14. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
15. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
me Smiles: 16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
Stephanie: LOL
me Smiles: 19. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
21. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
me Smiles: 22. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
23. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
24. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
25. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
me Smiles: 26. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
27. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
28. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
Stephanie: lol
me Smiles: ok now ur smiling
me Smiles:
Stephanie: oh yeah that was great!
Stephanie: I was laughing
Stephanie: I am gonna post that on my facebook hehe
me Smiles: i just did
me Smiles: if you want to you can go tomy page open it up and hit share
Stephanie: oh I copy and pasted
me Smiles: lol
me Smiles: it all works
me Smiles:
me Smiles: but honey you cant get yourself down
me Smiles: if you do
me Smiles: it will effct your judgement
Stephanie: I just wish someone would come down and tell me what to do
me Smiles: it cant be that easy
me Smiles: or you wouldnt learn
me Smiles:
Stephanie: I think that is why Omar likes to side with his family, cause it is easier....
me Smiles: yeah ppl do tend to do that
me Smiles: hmm nice name first time you have told me
me Smiles:
Stephanie: really?
me Smiles: yeah
me Smiles: he was always" hubby or husband
Stephanie: wow
me Smiles: which shows me how much you care for him to give him that title
Stephanie: I know if I close everything and work through this with him
me Smiles: when you start to use his name your distancing yourself
Stephanie: it will not be easy
me Smiles: ur putting up walls to not be hurt
Stephanie: I've just always referred to him as my husband...it honestly feels weird not to
Stephanie: you know in my divorce papers
Stephanie: I put to revert my maiden name back
Stephanie: but I don't want to
Stephanie: 13. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever. I like this one because I was like...either that or I will just throw it in anyway LOL
me Smiles: then dont revert your name back it is totally your choice
me Smiles: pending you go through with it
me Smiles: yep 13 has a lot of truth
Stephanie: you know what made me realize I loved him so much
Stephanie: well one of the things
Stephanie: there were a couple
Stephanie: our youngest daughter, Bella
Stephanie: she looks so much like him
me Smiles: yeah
Stephanie: when I look at her
Stephanie: I think of him
Stephanie: and I think with my mom
Stephanie: she really loved my dad
Stephanie: and when she looked at me
Stephanie: she saw my dad
Stephanie: and her hurt, turned to anger, which in turn got taken out on me
me Smiles: yeah it is a cycl most fall into
me Smiles: cycle
Stephanie: how long have you been married
me Smiles: since 07
Stephanie: has it been easy, okay, really hard..
me Smiles: it is never easy
me Smiles: we have had our fights and it normally involved his family or mine
me Smiles: but most of the time it was over piddly crap
Stephanie: why do you think marriages really fail? besides adultery and stuff like that
me Smiles: becuase money is a lot
me Smiles: and if you marry when your older ur already set in your ways and want the best of both worlds
me Smiles: a lot of ppl nowadays cant compromise
me Smiles: so it tendds to caught many many fights
me Smiles: also divorce is easier and not frowned upon anymore so ppl take the easy way out and give up
me Smiles: some cases i agree but most are just becaue of ppl being selfish
Stephanie: I think my attempt at filing a divorce was because I felt he didn't love me anymore from what his adopted mom had told me
me Smiles: but see you cant believe her you have to ask him and then have trust in him to tell you the truth
Stephanie: he said he did tell her that
me Smiles: but was it in anger
Stephanie: that is what I said
Stephanie: at first he told me no
Stephanie: he did not love me anymore
Stephanie: that he had put me out of his heart when I said I did not need him anymore
me Smiles: see so i think if you told him you were wrong and you did and still do need him
me Smiles: i think it would help
me Smiles: but dont say it unless it is true
Stephanie: I do need him, I feel complete when I am with him
Stephanie: like life is as it should be
Stephanie: and when we are apart
Stephanie: there is something missing inside of me
me Smiles: that is how i am with steve
Stephanie: it is so hard for me to believe him that he doesn't love him cause he does these little things Laura
me Smiles: which is why i think i sleep when he is gone
Stephanie: I asked him one day to borrow the truck
Stephanie: so I could move the stuff out of the room
Stephanie: he changed the radio station to my favorite station before I got in
me Smiles: aww
Stephanie: one day he was running late, told me he wanted to grab something to drink
me Smiles: see it is the little things in life
Stephanie: I know he likes Coke
Stephanie: he bought two sodas
Stephanie: sprite for the girls
Stephanie: and Dr. Pepper
me Smiles: so that should matter
Stephanie: my favorite
me Smiles: i dont think he has given up on you
me Smiles: he may front it due to family
Stephanie: The other day when I was crying
Stephanie: he wiped away my tears
Stephanie: and told me he was sorry for how he said something that upset me
Stephanie: the way he kisses me
Stephanie: I just feel like I am at peace with him
me Smiles: but there w a prim chance to say iknow your sorry you upset me but i would rather know then not know
me Smiles: and then he would know he can come to you more with stuff
me Smiles: and helps him open up more
Stephanie: well here is what happened
me Smiles: right now i bet anything he feels lost and alone like you do
Stephanie: we were in the car
Stephanie: and he was upset...I understand that because of something his uncle had said previously
Stephanie: and I said I really miss him and wish we could be together now...and said don't you sometimes feel the same way
Stephanie: and he goes no
Stephanie: and I looked at him and said...huh
Stephanie: he goes, no I don't want to be with you right now
Stephanie: well I turned to the side, started crying
Stephanie: and said, then what the hell are you doing here then?
me Smiles: but did he say why he didnt
Stephanie: I said, it is one thing if you said, I would love to be with you, but we just can't right now because of the situation, but when you tell me NO, it makes me feel like you don't want me and you never did.
Stephanie: and if that is the case, then quit dragging me along and let me go
Stephanie: that is when he said, no I want to be with you, it is just I'm really upset right now and that is not what I meant to say. We can't right now, you see how my family is being
Stephanie: he said he was sorry, and to blame it on Richard...his dad which I laughed, and then he rubbed my shoulder and wiped the tears away.
me Smiles: so see he is being beating up per say on both side
me Smiles: you want him to say he will be with you and wants to be with you and his family is wanting the oppisite
me Smiles: so he feels like he is being riped intwo
Stephanie: yes
me Smiles: and is he a people pleaser?
Stephanie: in some ways yes
Stephanie: in some ways no, he is nice to a point
me Smiles: which will make it even harder
Stephanie: once you get him to that point, he finally steps up
me Smiles: he doesnt want ot bite the hand that feeds him for fear of notbeing able to go back
Stephanie: YES
Stephanie: that is exactly it!
me Smiles: but the hand that currently feeds him if strangling him
me Smiles: so the best help you can give right now is to put emotions aside when with him
me Smiles: and just let him vent
me Smiles: and when he says something to you
me Smiles: you have to put out both sides and allow him to choose
me Smiles: or at least think onit
Stephanie: what do you mean
me Smiles: because then your not being like his family and pushing him one way or the other
me Smiles: despite what ever fiber in your being is telling you to say
me Smiles: stay calm
me Smiles: and be like ok
me Smiles: well if they said this do you think they mean this or this
me Smiles: and then he has a choice instead of feeling like everyone is deciding for him
me Smiles: and it will help build his confidence
me Smiles: which right now has been run over and backed up on a lot
me Smiles: it sounds like
me Smiles: do u know what i mean
Stephanie: gosh that will be hard
me Smiles: it is very hard
me Smiles: but it will help him to feel like you support him instead of telling him what you want him to do
me Smiles:
Stephanie: how can I help boost his self esteem to make him realize he can make it on his own
me Smiles: and he needs to know that no matter what he decides you will try to back him every step of the way
me Smiles: it will come with time in knowing your there through thick and thin
me Smiles: he will get to the point he will not have to rely on his family for life
Stephanie: I hope so
Stephanie: how long do you think this will take?
me Smiles: if he has been beat down his whole life
me Smiles: itr will take awhile
me Smiles: a couple of months easy
Stephanie: do you think it is worth it?
me Smiles: that is not a ? i can answer
me Smiles: that is one you have to ponder and see what your heart of hearts tells you
me Smiles: because you know his family will always be around the corner
me Smiles: so is it something you want to deal with
Stephanie: if you really loved some one, would you
me Smiles: or the mean way t put it " is he worth it"
me Smiles: me personally i would do everything in my power if i loved them to try and make it work
me Smiles: look at me and david
me Smiles: i loved him
me Smiles: but i could not help him anymore after he hit me
me Smiles: no matter how much i love someone i will never be able to stay in an abusive sit again
me Smiles: i would go to the ends of the earth for steve
me Smiles: and i have on some issues
me Smiles: you have to look at he arguements and just think will there be any benefit to argue about this
me Smiles: if not then just let it give and give
Stephanie: The only way I would get through this is with God
Stephanie: cause this is definitely going to take some patience
me Smiles: u may not feel it is right but is it being right more worth the arguement and flustration the arguement will give
me Smiles: it is
me Smiles: and it will be very trying
me Smiles: u have only begun your journey
Stephanie: can I ask you something
Stephanie: when we first started out
me Smiles: i will try to answer to the best of my ablities
Stephanie: he was very open to counseling
Stephanie: I guess they brought it up
Stephanie: said if we go to counseling together
Stephanie: they will also kick us out
Stephanie: or him I should say
Stephanie: so now he is against it
Stephanie: but I really want us to go to counseling
Stephanie: do you think this will ever change
me Smiles: well you can approach him and say you know i believe we can make this work i believe the spark is not gone but i also believe we need help to rediscover ourselves.... counseling will help that but it has to be that we both agree
me Smiles: and i know it will not make things easy for you and i know they have said they will kick you out but if you decide to do this you know i am there for you
me Smiles: i will help you as much as i can
me Smiles: we can make it i have faith we can
me Smiles: ( are you in a place he could come live if need be??)
Stephanie: yes
me Smiles: if so then offer that to him as well
me Smiles: u know
Stephanie: it is a room
Stephanie: but it is something
me Smiles: so what
me Smiles: it is a place where he is wanted and needed instead of being controled
Stephanie: I think it is too soon for it to ask again
Stephanie: he feels like I am pressuring him
Stephanie: but see this is one of the biggest things that is keeping me from cancelling the divorce
me Smiles: well if you approach it again try that route and then tell him i know it is too soon to try that again but i want you to know that is another option for you
me Smiles: beause then you have planted the seed of choice again
Stephanie: hmm
Stephanie: for the first time in weeks, I have felt at peace about this
me Smiles: hugglez
Stephanie: how do I keep feeling this way without going back and forth?
me Smiles: u cant
me Smiles: it wont happen
me Smiles: every time you see him emotions are going to well up
me Smiles: and it will cloud your thoughts and judgements
me Smiles: which is why your not at peace
me Smiles: u know what you want and you know the what seems to be the easy answer to get it
me Smiles: but he is not to that point and it flustrates you
Stephanie: very
Stephanie: cause all I want to do is be with him
me Smiles: but this is where you have to be a saint and have faith
me Smiles: and help him not push him
me Smiles: a lesson learned is not a lesson unless it has really been learned by the one who needs it
Stephanie: which believe it or not, but that is a lesson I need to learn...help him and not push him
me Smiles: yes and it is not easy
me Smiles: your head strong
me Smiles: and if your like you used to be your very goal orentiated
Stephanie: yes, I have not changed on that LOL
me Smiles:
me Smiles: that is good
me Smiles: but a relationship is a two way street both cars have to give to meet halfway
me Smiles: you dont have enought gas for one to go the whole distance
Stephanie: no I don't and I sure try to though LOL
me Smiles: yeppers
me Smiles: arent you tired
me Smiles: ??
me Smiles: your normally sleeping by now
me Smiles: right?
me Smiles: shoudl be 2:30 there
Stephanie: yes, but believe it or not, the last two nights I have barely slept because of this
me Smiles: u shoudl have called me
me Smiles:
Stephanie: I toss and turn and maybe get an hour or two fo sleep
Stephanie: one because the court date is so close
Stephanie: and two, I am very tired now....I am just afraid to be tired and then not be able to sleep
me Smiles: well try to get some sleep since you got your applesauce in ya
me Smiles: and if you have to call me in the morning
me Smiles: i should be up in about 3 hours
me Smiles: i am here if you ever need a sounding wall
me Smiles:
me Smiles:
Stephanie: lol, yes me applesauce...YUMMY LOL
Stephanie: alrighty
me Smiles: i am just glad you are eating
Stephanie: I guess I'll hit the hay and see what happens
me Smiles: anytime you need to send me a message on yahoo
me Smiles: i am normally always on
Stephanie: yeah me too, I was shocked when my stomach started growling...stress lays heavy on me.
Stephanie: Thank you so much Laura
me Smiles: yes it will
me Smiles: your welcome
Stephanie: I really mean it
me Smiles: hugglz
me Smiles: and g'nite
Stephanie: night night.
me Smiles: should be u
Stephanie: LOL
Stephanie: sleep tight
I feel better...I know what I have to do, but I need that day of prayer.
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